Reclaiming Your Power: Rebuilding After Your Life Turns Upside Down
How do you feel about power? Does the word itself make you cringe, perhaps imagining people in your own life or on television who are manipulative, controlling, or do harm to others in some way in order to get what they want? What is your relationship with power, particularly when your life changes in a significant way, whether that might be an unexpected move across the country, a job loss, or a medical diagnosis?
I have long struggled with the concept of power. In fact, I often had a negative connotation of the word and identified more with powerlessness over much of my life. For example, in middle school, I went from being accepted by my peers to suddenly being socially excluded and experiencing bullying by a classmate in geography class just months later. I felt powerless, and the narrative I told myself reinforced this feeling well beyond that year. More recently, I experienced two layoffs just months apart. Again, I felt a wave of powerlessness sweep through my body at different times.
However, my view of power is evolving, especially after experiencing moments where I felt I had found my power. Like the time when I performed at a Salsa congress in NYC in the back row with other dancers and was so proud to be there even with my imperfections. Or the quieter times, when I took a day off from work for rest and recovery when I really needed it and showed myself compassion. That was also power for me.
In this moment of reflection after my job losses at the State Department in D.C., I’m reminded of what Eckhart Tolle shares, “[p]ower over others is weakness disguised as strength. True power is within…” I’m reminded to turn inwards towards my power and strength, which is also something that no one can take away from me. Dr. Brené Brown describes how “[r]eal power is basically the ability to change something if you want to change it. It’s the ability to make change happen… Real power doesn’t force us to take it away from others — it’s something we create and build with others.”
By reimagining and shifting how we show up in the world, our power can emerge. This might mean cultivating it through:
Self-awareness,
Self-compassion, and
Changing our narrative.
Self-awareness
Increasing awareness of our thoughts, emotions, and sensations in our body can help create space to be with our experiences in a new way and look at our interactions with others and situations with a new perspective. This is an incredible power that comes from within.
For me, I used to be consumed by constant thoughts and had a loud inner critic. When I realized that I was not actually my thoughts and could observe them without judgment, it was a turning point. I also remember an internal shift while listening to Eckhart Tolle’s book The Power of Now as I was processing the death of my father and a job loss over the holidays last winter.
Tolle recommends to:
“Focus attention on the feeling inside you. Know that it is the pain-body. Accept that it is there. Don’t think about it - don’t let the feeling turn into thinking. Don’t judge or analyze. Don’t make an identity for yourself out of it. Stay present, and continue to be the observer of what is happening inside you. Become aware not only of the emotional pain but also of ‘the one who observes,’ the silent watcher. This is the power of the Now, the power of your own conscious presence. Then see what happens.”
While listening to his words, I also experienced several minutes of being with my younger wounded parts from years ago for the first time – accompanying and being with their sadness and sensations, including a tightness in my upper abdomen and heaviness in my chest. I could remain present in a supportive way while not merging with those parts of me. This shift in how I could be with my emotions without being completely overwhelmed by them has been a game changer for me. This superpower has supported me in the most challenging moments this year because I am able to befriend my emotions and sensations in real time without feeling flooded by them.
Author and coach Kemi Nekvapil shares how “[w]e have to know what is going on for us before we get out into the world to try and make any shifts or changes or transformations.“ By becoming more self-aware and present, we can leverage our power and better respond to challenges in our outer world. By combining this with self-compassion, we can grow even stronger.
Self-Compassion
Reclaiming our power also includes self-compassion. Every time we choose to show ourselves loving kindness, like we would a close friend or family member, rather than harsh judgement, we are practicing self-compassion.
However, according to the 2025 Compassion Report by the The Muhammad Ali Center, “[o]ne-third of Americans (33%) report below-average levels of self-compassion, often citing low self-esteem, guilt about prioritizing themselves, comparisons to others and feelings of unworthiness.” Despite these statistics, the good news is that self-compassion can be learned and improved through practice.
For job seekers, research has also found that self-compassion can benefit “job seekers’ well-being in difficult times during the job search process.” In addition, studies have found that it is linked to “increased feelings of happiness, optimism, curiosity and connectedness, as well as decreased anxiety, depression, rumination and fear of failure.” At the same time, self-compassion also helps us increase our capacity to bounce back after experiencing adversity or making mistakes ourselves.
Dr. Kristin Neff, author of The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, describes how:
“[c]ompassion is not only relevant to those who are blameless victims, but also to those whose suffering stems from failures, personal weakness, or bad decisions. You know, the kind you and I make every day.”
For example, we might become consumed by guilt or shame for what we said to someone, left unsaid, did, or didn’t do. This might lead to ruminating about the situation over and over in our mind in an unhealthy way. For me, I remember the time when my foster kitten Roo was adopted several years ago. However, I found out about a week after his adoption that he was missing. I learned that his new family had been transporting him by car without his pet carrier. When they opened the car door, he escaped.
This affected me significantly because I had actually given the family a carrier when they arrived to pick him up at my apartment after signing the adoption paperwork from the shelter. I spent two weekends searching for him with other volunteers and friends and put up signs in the neighborhood offering a reward. We never found him.
I was heartbroken and ruminated about what I could have done differently. I wondered, what if I had never taken him to that adoption event? Even though I often demonstrated compassion for other people and animals, it has taken me a lot longer to develop compassion for myself, and particularly to remember it in those types of situations.
By demonstrating kindness towards ourselves, we can process our emotions and grieve. This allows us to bounce back after these challenges when we are ready and become more resilient. Self compassion gives us the confidence to set boundaries whether taking a personal day off work for our emotional wellness or the power to be kind to ourselves when confronted with guilt and loss. Working to change the narrative of what happened can also provide a new perspective on our experiences.
Changing Our Narrative
How we tell our story matters. We have the power to redefine and take ownership of the narrative. At the same time, when we choose to share our story with friends and family or even more publicly, we may feel more connection and support by those around us.
Rewriting the narrative of what happened to us can help us reframe and give new meaning to the experience. Research has found that “trauma damages brain tissue, but that when people translate their emotional experience into words, they may be changing the way it is organized in the brain.” In a study about the effects of journaling after a stressful or traumatic event, researchers found that participants who wrote about both “cognitions and emotions developed greater awareness of the positive benefits of the stressful event than the other two groups.” The other participants had focused either on writing solely about the facts or only on their emotions related to the events.
For me, journaling helps with processing my thoughts and feelings through moving them onto paper. Once they are on the pages of my notebook, I also feel freer, like their emotional weight is no longer as heavy inside of me. It is now externalized. I often wrap up my morning journaling with some kind of slower movement like stretches. Or, if I feel the need for a greater release of pent up energy and emotions, I combine journaling with running on the treadmill.
In addition, sharing our stories through theater can be healing and help us take back our power. Treehouse Theatre in Australia has discovered how storytelling through performing arts can help young people heal from war and trauma. For example, their program provides opportunities for refugee children to share their stories about their experiences prior to and after arriving in Australia.
The theatre organization “took the idea that storytelling was an important part of healing and translated that from art on a page to performance art.” Not only can initiatives like this help individuals heal, rebuild their lives, and take their power back, but communities also benefit and increase their understanding of refugees from hearing their stories.
Conclusion
Rebuilding after our lives get turned upside down often comes with fear about the unknown and what is to come. It might be fear about our finances, health, relationships, or what kind of work we want to do next. These types of experiences can shake our identity to the core. At the same time by reclaiming our power after adverse or stressful events or situations, we can begin to heal and rebuild. While we can’t change what happened to us or our past mistakes, we can leverage our power to decide how we want to move forward.
These times also provide space for us to pause and reflect at a deeper level. By cultivating self-awareness and self-compassion, we can emerge stronger and develop increasing clarity about what is really important to us in life.
Leaning into these powers also matters in what might seem like the smaller moments. For me, this has entailed becoming more aligned with how I want to spend my day and becoming more attuned to my needs. This might mean I decide to give my body a break from lifting weights at the gym and instead go for a walk in the park and watch the birds fly overhead.
Leveraging the power of changing our narrative and giving new meaning about what happened through storytelling and writing can also provide us with an opportunity to heal, grow, and rebuild. When we share our story, we may also become more connected with those around us.
Dr. Brené Brown describes how: “[t]he only decision we get to make is what role we’ll play in our own lives: Do we want to write the story or do we want to hand that power over to someone else? Choosing to write our own story means getting uncomfortable; it’s choosing courage over comfort.”
I’m curious to hear how you will lean into your power and write your story in the months ahead.
(Originally posted on Substack on October 14, 2025)
